New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
