let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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