ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do herpes really smell.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
