saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
