It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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