If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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