My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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