So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
