My friends, they love my intelligence
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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