First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
