Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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