I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
