did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
