now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
