whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
