dude i'm inner monologue high
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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