he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
