I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
