Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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