if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
