I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
