And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
