saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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