Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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