my soul wont recognize me after tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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