my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
