I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
