and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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