what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
