fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
