I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
