the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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