My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
