haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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