It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
