you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
