you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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