I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
