took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
