pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
