Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
