i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
