Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
honey bunches of taint.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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