Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so much tequila, so little girl.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Panties = found
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
