i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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