EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
