I cockslap morals
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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