the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
