are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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