If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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