My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
